What To Write Or, There is a group for that.

Hello Dear Readers,
I don't think that in all my time at school, I have ever truly be afflicted with a writing block. But after the last two post being sub par, plus the skipped week, and now I still have nothing to write about. In some ways this is because I am trying very hard not to get kicked out of vet school, in other ways it is because every 5 seconds something studying, assignments, study buddy, class, lab, food, sleep, and the all consuming metric ton of groups that term 3 forces you to schedule times to meet with around an already bonkers schedule. Since the groups are all randomly assigned no one has the same lab times, which then means that Thursday mornings (which have been left open for the research group) are absurdly busy with running around trying to meet with groups, advisers, professors, other groups, then class starts at 1:30 so it's a very limited window that demands my attention. It's gotten to the point where I will turn my phone off so that I can study without getting immediately desecrated by the latest group trying to figure out a time to meet (Thursday at 9?) or figuring out what the next step in the group project is. Do not take this the wrong way I am in some of the best groups of people, groups where everyone is trying to pull there own wight and help anyone is struggling, which is also what I try to do in the rare instant that I might hold some small nugget of knowledge or understanding that has escaped one of my classmates, anyway hopefully I will figure out some great secret of the universe to share with you in two weeks TTFN my friends.

 

The Tingler Or, My Tell Tale Heart.

Hello Dear Readers,
It's been longer then I would have liked it to have been, however I felt like I needed to focus on my schooling for midterms but now that is over with and I can finally talk (again) about my love of Fall, and Halloween time especially. You see it's got the best movies and music and it's just the right mix of spooky and fun, The Tingler is a perfect example of a "scary" campy 1959 Vincent Price movie that if you have watched, makes a perfect segue to what I really want to talk about (if you haven't seen it then now is probably the best time ever to go and watch it... No really go watch it and then you will know what this weeks post is about... the words will still be here waiting for when you get back...). Okay so now that you have seen The Tingler you know that I am talking about Fear this week, because last week I was terrified and if I am honest I have been terrified since starting vet school, it's not a constant fear thank God I would be dead by now (spoiler) just like the people in The Tingler who could not scream I would be have died of My fear.
You see My fear all starts with that little voice of doubt whispering though the wind that I am going to mess up, that no matter how long and hard I study, no matter how meany times I talk to people about better ways to learn, or how meany people come up to me and say that "you've got this" That in the end I will fail. (It's here that I feel based on previous responses to my posts that I know that I am not stupid and that I am more then likely Not destined to fail, and I remind myself about this fact almost every day) My fear is two fold, I want to be a good Vet (or if I do fail I want to be good at whatever I end up doing) and I am afraid that I won't be good, pretty straight forward right. The 2nd thing I am afraid of any kind of failure at all, and I know those are the same... maybe but for me they are different. So taking test has been necrotic to my Nerves, I used to be a mostly calm test taker who only got nervous about the big stuff, well now everything is big and the pressure is getting to me.
I mean anytime I am in a high pressure situation I get nervous which is not a bad thing on its own, I even get nervous when I am about to go racing after I have been away from it for any meaningful amount of time, but that is more of a excited man I hope I can still drive fast kind of nervous. however Tests which used to lead to a healthy amount of nerves, now only lead to Fear, 
I am afraid, and if it wasn't for God, friends and family, then I would probably would have no hope moving forward as happy and as confident as I am, I just want everyone to know that when you see me standing around before or after a test happy as can be, It's not that I am full of confidantes in my self, It's mostly Doubt, It's not at I am not scared, because I am Terrified. The Reason I can look so calm on the outside is because I know for a fact that no matter the twist and turns my life may take it's all going to be alright in the end...TTFN 

(P.S. Sorry that this post seems so scatted I just finished my last midterm)