What To Write Or, There is a group for that.

Hello Dear Readers,
I don't think that in all my time at school, I have ever truly be afflicted with a writing block. But after the last two post being sub par, plus the skipped week, and now I still have nothing to write about. In some ways this is because I am trying very hard not to get kicked out of vet school, in other ways it is because every 5 seconds something studying, assignments, study buddy, class, lab, food, sleep, and the all consuming metric ton of groups that term 3 forces you to schedule times to meet with around an already bonkers schedule. Since the groups are all randomly assigned no one has the same lab times, which then means that Thursday mornings (which have been left open for the research group) are absurdly busy with running around trying to meet with groups, advisers, professors, other groups, then class starts at 1:30 so it's a very limited window that demands my attention. It's gotten to the point where I will turn my phone off so that I can study without getting immediately desecrated by the latest group trying to figure out a time to meet (Thursday at 9?) or figuring out what the next step in the group project is. Do not take this the wrong way I am in some of the best groups of people, groups where everyone is trying to pull there own wight and help anyone is struggling, which is also what I try to do in the rare instant that I might hold some small nugget of knowledge or understanding that has escaped one of my classmates, anyway hopefully I will figure out some great secret of the universe to share with you in two weeks TTFN my friends.

 

Term 3 Or The Hardest Way To Fall

Well Hello there, Dear Readers

It's been a while but I am Some how back and I yet again writing in this, honestly fairly depressing blog. You might have noticed that I decided to spruce up the place so it would better match what actually gets written here, that is to say trashy despair with the odd ray of hope and some random stuff thrown in. And since I am talking about me blog I might as well remind you all that I have decided to move to a biweekly posting schedule, this is to try and cut out some of the straight up garbage random post that I was making far to often last term, this was mostly do to a lack of time to devote to the blog every week, moving forward I will be trying to right a mildly high quality of content (grammar however will probably remain at it's current low standards).
             It is also so that I can open the floor to you my Dear Readers to write your own posts for this blog, since I know that at lest some of you will have read one of my post and thought I can do better, now is your chance without having to go though all the crap of starting a blog, writing a weekly/biweekly post, and posting it to social media so that everyone can judge you on how bad you are at writing. No all you would have to do Is email me your post in a Word Doc to GetAwayWithVetSchool@gmail.com, but don't get crazy about it if i don't have a guest post to post then there just won't be a post between my post's which again will be biweekly. (P.S. if you look at the side bar I added this email so you won't have to dig for this post later)

Okay so now that the house keeping is all out of the way we can get to the heart of this post, I did have a resit at the start of this term which I passed, however the fact that I had this scary scary test looming all summer didn't do wonders for my nerves. This whole week (This was the first week of classes and the resit was on Monday morning) has been a wired mix of relief, exhaustion, and getting stressed about Term 3, which is widely held as the worst term of vet school at SGU, manly do to it's poor schedule, and high concentration of "difficult" course's. Honestly though I am so Happy to be in term 3 since that means that I am not the total failure that I felt like this summer, I went so far as to try and avoid people that know me because I was afraid that they would ask how vet school was going, and while in my heart I know that they don't care what I do and actually just care about me, my brain is absolutely certain that if people knew how much I struggle with school, and with myself, that they would look down at me like a worm on the hot concrete, with petty and disgust in their eyes as they step over my rapidly drying carcass. Obviously this is just my internal conflict, since I don't think I will ever fill like I deserve any kind of praise, let alone peoples respect, but before you start thinking bla bla bla we have herd this same thing from you ever term, which you have I went back and checked the archives, although I have never stated it so plainly before (side note, Please don't go back and read old post, I promise that they are all worse then even I thought they where when I wrote them), very long story short (no really I cut about 500+ words from this post) that is how I was feeling this summer, It's not like I didn't do all kinds of fun things this summer, I raced, went to LBL, hung out with my family and animals, but I always had the stress of school right there in the back of my mind no matter how long I studied it was never enough to satisfy my own sense of un-accomplishment. That's okay though because I have Family and Friends, and Friends that are Family, and they all accept the facts of who I am, and what I am trying to do with my life, and while most of the people I know back home only know the strong, confident, compassionate, outgoing, well put together me, and nothing of the stressed and struggling me, I know that they would understand and empathize with me, Just like you do. Thanks If it wasn't for you all and the grace of God I don't think I would be capable of tackling what is shaping up to be my hardest Fall ever. Well I suppose I will talk to you again on the 10th of September, Till thin

 TTFN

Getting Though it All, Or Story Tellers, Or Finals Again.

Hello Dear Readers, I Have been writing this blog for over a year now, I obviously plan on keeping it up as long as I am here, vis-à-vis finals are coming up and as per my usual I am not sure how I am going to make it though them. I am not as bad off as I have been in the past, Pharm and anatomy lab are going to kill me, they are pretty much straight memorization and there is a lot there to remember plus this weekend was one of those where I try to do something like study but my brain says no lets wonder off and do something else and then by the time I lay down to sleep it snaps back and says "you didn't get enough done your going to fail so" I lay awake clear in the knowledge that I am a worthless idiot who has no right to be here, and the sane part of my mind is saying that the best thing to do now is to get some sleep and get up and get some work done, then by 2:30am I am finally able to fall asleep. I wish I was one of those people who could just sit down and study all day, oh while at lest vet school is getting better, not easier mind you just better what does that mean you ask, well I am getting used to the level of work and stress, which means that I am enjoying my time here a bit more it is not as strange and foreign as it was before. So hopefully I can make it though finals and move on to term 3, and as long as I can I think there might be some changes made to this blog, since the last couple of posts have been very short and frankly stupid. I can do better but apparently not weekly so since you dear Readers deserve the best I can muster I will probable make it into a Bi weekly post. Something else that I think would be interesting for this blog is adding your the Readers story's to it, I know that some of you probable have better things to talk about then I do. So we will see how finals works out and then I will figure out how that would work and go from there. Anyway I think this will be it for me this term, hopefully though the grace of god I will be back next term, till then...

 TTFN

Living on a Prayer Or Is Grenada the most saportive island? Or Litting them Down

So I still have two midterm test results to get (but I honestly don't have a good feeling about them) so I wanted to get this one out before I ether fail-out (I write only half lite heartily), or pass/get a high enough score that they don't kick my out right away and I have to study even harder. I am so incredibly thankful of all the support that everyone has given to me, all the prayers, and well wishes for school, I won't lie and say that all the support doesn't endlessly stress me out with a totally unreal fear of disappointing all of you. I know it's crazy but I am very confident in my insanity at this point in my life, regardless to my sanity or lack their of I know for a fact that I don't deserve Friends and Family as awesome as all of you, Thank you for having my back.
Related to this is the fact that leading up to midterms and during midterms the Locals of Grenada have been super great Bev who is the house keeping for our room has told me that she is parying for us every time I see her which most weeks is twice, multiple complete strangers have come up and told me that they pray for us students everyday, which is very powerful.
Now let's not get all doom and glum here Heck I made it further towards my goals then I thought I would when I got in to vet school so all this is icing on the cake, (and if I didn't screw up these last two midterms to bad I will keep pushing).
so just to rap this up, you are all great, Grenada is great, and vet school is a long never ending nightmare that I wouldn't trade all the dept that I now have for a moment of it.



I would Rather try to catch my Dreams, Chasing them across the earth, oceans, and sky above. Till I can no longer run, and Fail.
Then live life safely, and Never even Try to Run.  TTFN

Coats and Stuff Or I am not a Imposter!

This week was the white coat ceremony and by this week I mean Saturday, this is one of those times when all of us SVM Students mumble about the MD students. You see the MD Kids got Friday off for there ceremony which didn't start till about 3pm, and lasted till around 5:30pm, so why did need to be at ours at 9:15am on Saturday after our full and I mean from 8am to 5pm of classes when they (MD) students couldn't be bothered to even have morning classes (I know there are about 250+ more of them but come on). Rant over, the White Coat was one of those things that some people get excited about, some just don't care (me), and some have to be talked in to going, but when you half listen to what most of the speakers are saying while whispering to the friends that you have only recently met (although you feel like you have known them for years). A stupid little voice pops up and says hey look your right here, right now, doing this thing that you have talked about doing almost your whole life, and that is when everyone starts smiling uncontrollable and stops listing to the speakers altogether (Sorry Speakers but i feel like you understand) it is this moment that I notice almost all the professors we have had so far sitting in the audience (which is a crazy thing to do when they 1. have only known our class for two and a half weeks, 2. could be sleeping in on there day off. and 3. have spent the last two and a half weeks with us! Non the less I really appreciate them coming out, now by this time my classmates are getting called up and the one that was not going to come is the first to be coated, and then we all watch and clap and cheer for our new friends (AKA Classmates) and then it's my turn and now I have a white coat on, and everyone is clapping and cheering for me just for a second, before I find myself sitting down again and clapping and cheering for everyone else again, then just like that it's over and almost everyone is going to the beach (not me I watched the Rolex24[Auto Race]).
Other stuff happened this week as well, like I got over whatever sickness is floating around the school, however that did lead to me having trouble falling asleep (because I was no longer drugged up at night) and the lack of sleep really effected my concentration in class which has lead to me having to study a bit more this week to keep up, but I am back in the sleeping grove and expect next week to go better.
Finale let me tell you all about Imposter syndrome (I know this is a long post but this is good info)
so like the name implies this is some mental thing where you can not internalize accomplishments, things like awards, grades, and praise (often attributing these things to luck). Also most people with Imposter syndrome have a very irrationally fear of letting people down, for the fear that if you don't over achieve and meet the high standards that you perceive people have. They will see you for the fraud that you are . I don't really know when I started feeling like I feel like it's gradual as your self doubt creeps in more and more, then one day you are always stressed about letting people down, but you also feel like you are not talented enough or smart enough so you procrastinate on everything and then you ether do well and attribute it to luck or you do poorly and now you've porven that your a imposter. ether way you lose and it can get very bad trust me I have been doing this for over a dacade, and I would still be doing it if not for SGU and the Proffesers here, who talked to us about imposter sysdrome. Thanks to that I have been able to put a name to that vocie of doubt, and starting to be happy with the work that I do. (to my Mom and Dad who I didnt tell about this before hand, Sorry the skype keept cutting in and out and there was a race on,) and to everyone Don't worry I am doing fine, I have tons of support.
Finle if you feel this why talk to someone even if it's your friends dog and understand three super important things, You did all that great stuff that you dont belive you did, you are not speacl no one is, and YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW!
(Click here for more info on Imposter syndrome)
(Click here to take the Imposter syndrome test we all took) I scored a 76
see you next week, and in till then be happy I am.☺